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Friday, Aug. 1, 2014
"Pet-u-lance" (06/02/13)
It may well have been thus for years, even decades; but one hopes not, thinks not. If my reading of some of these Washington scandals is on point, there is a whole heaping bowlful of petulancy going on by a whole bunch of folks in an executive back room or two...
American Vital (04/22/13)
The names don't matter much. As I write you this Friday morning, we don't know much. Except we know pretty much all we need to. When you're me you tend to watch these things with two receivers. September Eleventh installed the second one. And oh does this new receiver pick up some alternative channels...
Less Community (04/07/13)
So I had this dream last night. And David Brooks wrote a great column earlier this week. So now it's your inky servant's task to conflate the two. Here goes: First Brooks. Mr. Brooks leans slight right. His Tuesday Times column was ostensibly about the Supreme Court's agreeing to hear the proposition from California that defined the institution of marriage in that state as a union between one man and one woman. ...
Half Life Full Life (03/17/13)
I never understood the rules.When confronted with one of those life occasions into which there would be old friends flowing, I balk. You know the kind: Weddings, funerals, homecomings, (and for rock stars,) gigs. For whatever reason, the day Social Skills For Dummies 101 was taught, I was absent. The day the , "This is how life works, in increments, not necessarily days-to-day," signs were passed out, I must've been in the fraternity annex, well, passed out...
Sequester This (03/10/13)
NOTICE: If any of you good people has a White (i.e. Our) House tour scheduled any time soon, fuhgett about it. They've been sequestered. Actually, the funds set aside to pay for said tours have been sequestered. Sequestration Originally a legal term referring generally to the act of valuable property being taken into custody by an agent of the court and locked away for safekeeping, usually to prevent the property from being disposed of or abused before a dispute over its ownership can be resolved. ...
We Love N.Y., and the Dog & Pony Show (02/17/13)
You guys have caught this inky servant in the middle of a whirlwind week or two. How have you been? For most normal people, February is about hearts and leisure. About a sort of lull between major sports seasons. About a lull between the deep black cold and the hopefully and joyfully upcoming green warmth...
'Man, The' (02/03/13)
Going to do something a little different this week. As no doubt all of you know by now, St. Louis Cardinal Nation lost our Five-Star General some days ago. Stan "The Man" Musial left us with a great big hole in our collective heart. Which leaves this inky servant with a great big problem: I never saw him play. ...
Seriously? (01/19/13)
I'm a culture guy. Not cultur-al. Surely. A spectator. Watching the Freak Parade go by. Eatin the popcorn. I care--deeply--about the important matters too, I really do. I assume that the Freak Parade is meant to be the distraction that is has become to divert our attention away from said important things. I believe that the people that hired the Grand Marshall are indeed laughing at us as we gaze. And graze...
Who Won? [A Brief History Of American Partisanism] (12/16/12)
The shake-out of this year's most important election in our lifetime has begun. Congratulations are due to President Obama and his team. By all acounts, they managed to attract millions of first-time voters to the polls. Whatever motivation it was that spurred these newbees on, we welcome them to the American political scene. We are a better country when more people participate than don't...
American Nonchalance (11/25/12)
"Papa had a soft heart. But thar he was walkin' back from the barn with a hammer. My sister and me didn't know what to think. The milk cow had just had a calf. "Papa said that the mama cow couldn't make enough milk for us girls and that calf. So he'd killed that baby calf with that hammer."...
Honeymoon's over (11/18/12)
So you're the president of some country--some once-important country, once-serious country--and you are fighting, almost literally, for your re-election. On like the most historically important and serious date on your country's calendar in terms of national security, four national heroes are mowed down like sitting ducks-with-wings-duct-taped. If al qaida had needed time to re-load, there would have been ample boatloads of it...
It was (September 11) all over the world (10/28/12)
That was the answer to the direct question, "Did we have increased security and intelligence up and running on the anniversary of September 11th?" The question was addressed yesterday to our military joint chief as he and Leon Panetta, civilian head of Defense gave a press conference regarding the much-worse-than-Blackhawk-Down political misfortune in Benghazi, Libya on, well, September Eleventh...
A Bucket Of Warm Piss (10/14/12)
That's what John "Cactus Jack" Garner famously compared the job of this country's vice presidential position to. It's been dumbed-down to warm spit; but I digress. As did our own vice president last night. In the much-anticipated dual of the veeps, Joe Biden and 'the congressman' (I'm fairly sure he has a name, Joe!) went bumper-to-bumper and wire-to-wire in trying desperately to stick to their scripts; but Biden famously has not that gear in his transmission...
Romney, Redlining, and Redbirds (10/08/12)
Dateline: Atlanta, GA. Turner Stadium. Thoughts on Romney's debate victory[ Twitter:"Obama had more good points against Clint Eastwood!!"] For all the hype and hoop-la over the bodyslam that my new boy Mitt put on the president Wednesday night, I thought the one thing missed or overlooked that still haunts the GOP is this argument over that pesky '5-trillion dollar tax cut' that Obama kept serving up (3 times in a row--causing Mitt to retaliate with the now-famous, "I have five boys so I know what's it like to have a kid say to me the same thing over and over hoping I'll finally believe it," response. ...
Thoughts on.... (09/30/12)
Raining all week. Must be Fair week. Get out and get amongst 'em. Have never completely wrapped my fenders around that Bumper Car Derby, is it? But apparently I am virtually alone in this. Y'all have fun ! (Go, Millers!) Saturday night...Bunch of hairly-legged hopped-up young men driving equally hopped-up hot rods aiming at one another with abandon. Hell, I can boot up a webcam above I-270 in STL to see that...
50 Shades Of Progress (07/29/12)
Gentlemen, repair your engines! Because by all recent blue accounts, engine repair is about all we boys will have a hand up on our sisters. We've lost porn. Dateline Mid-June of this year: Your Inky Servant begins hearing rumblings among staff here and online about a movie called , "Magic Mike" and its star, Matthew McConaughey, about a strip club. ...
"Roberts Shrugged. Americans Mugged" (07/01/12)
Thursday morning I became suddenly glad I wasn't a parent. I also became a fan of our president's brain. I cleared my schedule Thursday (o.k., it's my normal day off). Plopped down on the couch with a frosty beverage, the clicker, and my Tweeter. Both T.V.'s were focused on the news of the morning. ...
'Read Along With Brian' (04/01/12)
Was going to inflict you guys with a barrage of partisan verbage about the recent final chapter in our now four-year national nightmare that is the president's plan to reform America's way of insuring and paying for our citizen's health care. I recall sitting up all night on a Saturday and into the next Sunday a couple years ago at my brother's home in Jackson, Mississppi, a lone pharmacist among 2 physicians and a speech therapist--interested parties all--as congress put an end to their final arguments and made it clear that President Obama would ultimately get what it was that he and his party had longed for all these decades.. ...
'Green This' (03/18/12)
So I made the annual call to my perennial buddy and confidante in matters urgent and of eternal import, Mr. John Gamble, the other day. You know the call. You're a guy. You've got a lawn that one hundred days ago looked, well, presentable in civilized company. ...
'Call mee Conspirator-i-al' (03/11/12)
You and I pay pretty close attention to national issues, so called, right? Gas prices, unemployment rate, Israel, Iran, Wall Street v Main Street, the deficit, China, health care. You know. The issues. The ones that, you and I like to think that the dolts that we elect might actually have some say in affecting. And even further, the ones that we may even have a sense of which way those same dolts would lean in doing so...
Be My Valentine Candy (02/12/12)
Remember those candy hearts? In Mrs. Lamb's second-grade class circa 1969 they were all the rage about this time of year. The pastel bits of hardened sugar, and the promise of "some sugar" in the future, were enough to make a boy, well, love candy. Back then, every student was required to give a Valentine's Day card to every other student--a practice that was wrought with peril; but one that kept us less-than-Cary Grant-like characters (or, Bobby Sherman) in the mix...
"Thoughts On The Upcoming" (02/05/12)
SB LXVI: For those of you who know me well, you are aware of my history of liking to wager on stuff. Which raindrop will fall the fastest on the window...Ants crawling across the deck out back...Elections (see below)...Even sports and things. So here we go in a feeble attempt at breaking down the Big Game (The N.F.L. mandates that we capitalize Big and Game)...
'That (Year)'s A Winner' (01/01/12)
What a year to be a sports fan in Missouri. Our Thanksgiving Horn O' Plenty runneth over and out, our lower Christmas tree branches had to be extracted in order to make room for all the presents. And our Auld Lang Syne old acquaintances will certainly not be forgot; but , for the most part, will be wished well. In other words, the Pro's heavily outweighed the Con's...
'That (Year)'s A Winner' (01/01/12)
What a year to be a sports fan in Missouri. Our Thanksgiving Horn O' Plenty runneth over and out, our lower Christmas tree branches had to be extracted in order to make room for all the presents. And our Auld Lang Syne old acquaintances will certainly not be forgot; but , for the most part, will be wished well. In other words, the Pro's heavily outweighed the Con's...
'Too Much Christmas' (12/25/11)
Gather round! Oh. You already have. It's Christmas. What's all the fuss? Why does Ed respond to a note asking him if he's heading up the Mizzou basketball game with a snippy, "Nope. Too much Christmas."? Why is this FedEx's hugest time of year, given that we're all 'gathering' and stuff? Where are all those giant blue and red jumbo jets headed? North Pole? Bethlehem? Bedford Falls?...
'Angels We Have Heard From...Paid The Mang' (12/11/11)
Here's how I found out: "miklaszbernie: Good deal for Pujols. Hard to turn that down. I don't blame Cardinals for declining to go that far." In this new Twitter world, we sometimes learn of breaking news by reading others' opinion of it and then we have to unwind that reel and get the details...
'Angels We Have Heard From...Paid The Mang' (12/11/11)
Here's how I found out: "miklaszbernie: Good deal for Pujols. Hard to turn that down. I don't blame Cardinals for declining to go that far." In this new Twitter world, we sometimes learn of breaking news by reading others' opinion of it and then we have to unwind that reel and get the details...
'Thanksgiving, Indeed' (11/27/11)
Andy Rooney died recently. During one of the numerous tributes to old loveable crank, Andy was quoted as having said that anyone could write a column. About any old thing. "In this world with so much in it, who couldn't write 600 words about this or that?"...
'The Guys In The White Hats' (11/20/11)
[This is a follow-up to last week's column, "Not Happy In Happy Valley."] When one fancies himself a writer, he reads with an eye for grist for his next project. And so it is with this current on-going horrible numerous-pronged investigation now underway in Pennsylvania (and Texas, and Ohio)...
'Not Happy in Happy Valley' (11/13/11)
So there's this guy. An important guy in his organization. Happens to be a sort-of famous football coach at a prestigious university's football program. Rumored to be the guy who's destined to take the reigns from its definitely famous current coach...
'Crazy Folks, Go Go' (10/29/11)
That did it. Kennett Indians Stadium. Circa 1972. Kennett Indians v. Insert Team Here. That night made me a fan of sports. Unscripted God-Bless-It drama. And all its pain and joy. Quarterback/punter David Tippen was on the field. Otherwise known as our next-door neighbor back then. (Ironically enough, his parents still are mine.)...
'September 11th, 2001' (09/11/11)
Was just typing in the date of this column when I realized I'd just typed in the title. It wasn't going to be the title or even the subject matter. Except one cannot possibly write today's date down on paper and not stop. And reflect. In fact, come to think of it, isn't it great that this day falls not on a weekday -- if for no other reason than most of us now won't have to constantly and repetitively date documents? Like checks? Or prescriptions? How small that would seem to make it. ...
'Tax Me Out To The Ballgame' (07/17/11)
Christian Lopez is a N.Y. Yankees fan. I thought David Felker was the only one; but apparently not. (Little joke there.) Last Saturday Christian had what us baseball fans call a good day. Better'n good, actually. And it was his birthday, too. Last Saturday, Christian's favorite player on his favorite team and Christian were in the same building...
'Not Guilty, Not Innocent' (07/10/11)
I did it. I watched. Every second. Yep, I'm guilty. Are you? The Casey Anthony Show. The miniseries. Broadcast on two networks simultaneously. For a month. 5 star entertainment. What writing! Except this was non-fiction. ...I think we've figured out what's going to cause the marching in the streets in America. Justice For Cayley...
'Team America' (07/03/11)
Yawn. Another patriotic paean to the Fab Founding Fathers. Rah rah rah. Cue the 76 trombones. (One can't ever have enough trombones, can one, Dr. Mobley?) In this still-great country, July 4 is about a great idea in the Declaration of Independence - its vision of liberty and freedom, equality and self-government. The Continental Congress gave Thomas Jefferson a difficult task: frame a vision of liberty and freedom that all could accept...
Brian Mitchell
This Settles That