Jeff Dorris

Deliberations from Dorris

Jeff Dorris is the Editor of the Delta Dunklin Democrat


It's a wrap

Saturday, December 22, 2018

There are many things I can do.

I can speak well.

I make a pretty good lasagna and folks say I sing fairly well.

There is one thing, however that I absolutely cannot do.

I canít wrap a gift.

The ability to wrap has eluded me my whole life.

Itís not just gifts actually.

I canít wrap anything.

Put a plate of food and some plastic wrap in front of me and before Iím done it will look like like an Egyptian mummy.

Iíve been shown many times how to wrap properly.

They say repetition is the key.

The more you do something, over time youíll improve.

Not me.

I wrap no better now than when I was five.

Early on I would enlist the aid of friends to wrap gifts for me.

Usually women. I believe females are born with certain abilities such as wrapping gifts and folding fitted sheets.

Another task Iím incapable of.

It always bothered me when I would forget to put a name-tag on a gift, yet they would always know it came from me.

The wrapping always gave it away.

I would closet myself in a room with gifts spread out on a table and rolls of wrapping paper beside me, attempting once again to wrap successfully.

Fifteen minutes later Iíd be yelling at my wife to bring me more paper.

Tape is a problem as well.

Iíll either tear off a piece the size of a pea or run off three inches of it.

My children have been a big help to me with this daunting task.

Through the years they would do my wrapping.

As they grew older they would charge a fee for their services.

When they all moved out I once again had to tackle the wrapping issue.

Gifts that I wrapped always seemed to get buried and placed at the back of the tree.

A few years ago as I walking through the mall pondering how on earth I would wrap the gifts I purchased, I came across a wonderful sight.

Not Santa taking pictures with the children.


Not carolers singing Silent Night.

It was a booth with a great big beautiful sign that read free gift wrapping.

I almost cried.

I cherish these people almost as much as anyone that feeds me.

They perform a wonderful service for the gift wrap challenged.

Iíll stare over at another man waiting for his gifts to be perfectly wrapped for his loved ones and weíll just nod at each other.

I feel his pain and share in his relief for these exceptional human beings.

Perhaps someday Iíll take thirty or forty rolls of paper and try again to wrap a gift.

Maybe Iíll even try not to strangle myself while folding a fitted sheet.

As for now Iím off to the mall where my Christmas gift wrapping angels await.

Merry Christmas.

See you out there.

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