Jeff Dorris

Deliberations from Dorris

Jeff Dorris is the Editor of the Delta Dunklin Democrat


Bad Blood

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Although itís not one of my most favorite things to do, I do get a physical exam every year.

It seems they always find something that I need to work on.

Itís similar to when I take my car in for an oil change. They almost always find another issue.

But, itís the right thing to do.

This last trip to the doctor though was a complete shocker.

After my labs came back, I heard something I had never heard before.

I have a dinosaur in my blood.

Thatís right, a dinosaur.

Something called a triglyceride.

Yep, a bonafide stone-age creature in my blood.

Alright, maybe not, but doesnít it sound like one?

The huge triglyceride lumbered toward the T-Rex.

My doctor didnít find it funny at all.

Iíve struggled with my weight off and on for many years.

A few years ago at the urging of a friend of mine I went on the Atkins low carb diet.

It worked. I lost eighty pounds.

However, I began to lose my grip.

I found myself staring with hatred at people in restaurants eating potatoes.

I even convinced my wife to try it, but after two weeks I came home to find her crying.

ďI just want a piece of bread,Ē she sobbed.

No more low carb diet.

Triglycerides is kind of like fat in your blood.

So now, even my blood has a weight problem.

Itís time to try again.

Iíve had lots of exercise equipment throughout the years.

Exercise bikes, elliptical machine, and treadmill.

People would come over to visit and assume I was a fitness freak. What they didnít realize was I usually hung my pants over the treadmill.

It helped them hold a crease.

The treadmill came out again this week.

Itís a looker. State of the art. All the bells and whistles.

It went well until I started pushing buttons.

This thing raised up and kicked into high gear, causing me to run like I was being chased by a triglyceride.

Iím going to try walking the neighborhood instead and watching my diet.

The treadmill will stay up for appearances.

My pants have never looked better.

See you out there.

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