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Jeff Dorris

Deliberations from Dorris

Jeff Dorris is the Editor of the Delta Dunklin Democrat

Editorial

Gnats- the most irritating bug

Saturday, October 5, 2019

I never thought any insect could irritate me more than the dreaded mosquito.

I was wrong.

Gnats have now surpassed the skeeter as the most annoying bug on my list.

For one thing, mosquitos seem to be loners, while gnats attack in groups.

Gnats also like to come at my eyes and ears in full force.

Dorris folk are known for our large ears so this is definitely a problem.

Yard work has virtually come to a standstill.

It took me three hours to finish cutting my lawn due to fighting off hordes of gnats on the attack.

According to my World Book encyclopedia app, gnats can lay up to 800 eggs in one breeding cycle.

I donít want those critters birthing in any of my orifices.

My wife and I have tried many remedies to get rid of theses pesky bugs, all to no avail.

The vinegar and dish-soap trap.

Smelled awful and brought in a haul of four measly gnats.

No good.

Pour bleach into the sink.

Now thereís a smell thatíll take your breath.

I forgot to leave the bathroom door open after an application of bleach in the sink, and almost went down three times while taking a shower.

Again, no good.

Remove plants that attract gnats.

Upset my wife, but my garbage can is full of plants.

Set out red wine.

Absolutely didnít work, but I slept real well that night.

Dispose of spoiled food.

Food doesnít stick around long enough to spoil around me.

Wash dirty dishes immediately.

Again, upset my wife, but after a little prompting sheís getting quicker.

Replace old worn out window screens.

Duct tape. Check.

Donít overwater plants.

Took care of plants earlier.

Clean gutters.

I guess I can help the economy and hire somebody for this task.

The gnats are winning.

But the weather will eventually turn cooler and hopefully off they go.

Until then weíll have the cleanest sink drains, most duct-taped screens, empty red wine bottles, and trash barrels overflowing with houseplants in the neighborhood.

See you out there.

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