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Thursday, May 26, 2016

Santa is making the rounds

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Bud Hunt publisher Daily Dunklin Democrat
It's that time of year again when we have to help ol' St. Nick fill up his goodie bag for the big boys and girls in this part of the country. I know it's hard to believe, but some of these folks have just been too busy to sit down and write that letter to the North Pole this year and it's our humble responsibility to take care of them. The list is long, so let's get started.

Don Collins -- badly needs an emergency brake after letting his vehicle roll into the water while trying to unload his boat from the trailer. Then again, maybe something else was at play here. Ron Harris recalled the time years ago when he waited in line for several minutes to get his boat into the water. Just as an opening came up another fellow pulled in front of him and backed his boat down the ramp. He jumped out, unhooked the boat and had his female companion pull the truck out. The boat floated free and she started out. Ron said it was apparent the truck was a stick shift and this gal had very little experience with stick-shift transmissions. It stalled and stalled again. Every time it stalled the truck rolled further back and all the while the male half of this duo was floating away. By the time she stopped the water in the truck was up over her waist. So while Ron cruised on the guy who cut in line was busy dumping water out of his truck.

Jeff Lack -- should probably get a refund on his daughter's college education from Mizzou. So much for that being just a rumor she got all "sweeped up" in the extracurricular activities of campus life.

Freddie Chandler -- would like an elevator for the second floor of his duck blind. Oh, we know he doesn't have a second story in his duck blind, but that's about the only thing it doesn't have according to some reports. One possible problem with a second story though means Freddie would have to move the satellite dish from the roof so it can be raised. It shouldn't be a problem moving the dish to the duck blind's veranda if he will slide the hot tub over just a little bit and put it next to the outdoor grill. Really, I don't know why he even needs that grill. I mean with a full kitchen inside an outdoor grill just seems a bit uppity to me.

Jack Holifield -- rumor is that Jack needs some of those arm floaties, or at least a big ol' inner tube.

Steve Pu -- actually Steve got his Christmas present a little earlier. Thanks to his new neighbor, sunshine won't hit Steve's house now until later in the morning. He'll be able to sleep a little later now instead up getting up at the crack of nine o'clock.

Meg Benson -- a longer sheet of paper for her resume now. Meg took on the chamber director's role but also learned that she was qualified to be a parade coordinator, run an information center for fairs and exhibitions, banquet coordinator and golf tournament outing planner.

Anderson Cooper, and the rest of the talking heads that see fit to characterize folks they've never met as something they are not -- a lump of coal.

Jake Fisher -- we'll have to change up the Christmas list a little bit this year. How about a gas card so he can take Shelly all over the country as he tries to relax a little bit now that he's hung up the neckties. Scratch those off of all future gift lists for Jake.

Charles Parker -- two minutes and eleven seconds. Okay, he could probably have used this a couple of years ago when the University of Memphis, formerly known as Memphis State University, was within two-minutes and eleven seconds of winning the national championship. With that much time left in the game Charles told his wife, Phyllis, "We're going to win the national championship." Only to watch Coach John Calipari blow it. On the other hand maybe it all worked out for the best. Coach Cal ended up costing the school all its wins that year and giving up a national championship would have been tough.

Earline Hovis -- her neighbors are thinking maybe Earline needs a better gardener. Make no mistake about it, that little patch right in front of her porch always brings in some sort of crop. They've had some pretty flowers and some of the hottest peppers this side of the Rio Grande, but most of us are scratching our heads as to how she and Jesse got that crop of nails to come up.

Tim Trowbridge -- needs his very own slide and swing set that he won't have to share with the other "big kids." And Mr. Claus please make Tim's just a little larger than those slides and swings at Mitchell Park beside the Sheryl Crow Aquatic Center.

Larry Jones -- would probably like a few more coins in the tin can sitting on Donnie Burke's counter at the hardware store. Larry brought a set of keys back from Texas that had to be returned last May and it ended up costing him a little more than he thought to return them. Donnie was just trying to help out by asking Larry's friends to chip in their loose change. So far I don't think they've even raised enough for a first class stamp. Don't know if that's because postage keeps going up or Larry just needs some different friends.

Jack Holifield and Steve Pu -- these two cheapskate golfers need tickets into next year's skins game at the local club's member-guest golf tournament. In each of the last two years (Jack this year and Steve last year) would have won several thousand dollars if they had only spent the $10 to get in the skins game.

Mark Pelts and Lester "Polecat" Wiseman -- look way down in the bottom of your goodie bag Santa and see if there aren't a couple of golfers looking for partners. These two need new partners for next year. Yes, they were paired together last year, but there's only so much fun two guys can have together.

George Byers -- Christmas also came early for this guy when he had a real hole-in-one, in a real hole, on a real green, on the real hole he is intending to play. Poor George (I know, it's hard to call a fellow "poor" when he's married to someone like Betty, but we're talking about his golf game here), had made a hole-in-one in a stump and also had a hole-in-one on a hole he wasn't intending to play. Santa Claus came through for him last spring and gave George an early present.

Jackie Hughes -- would probably like his very own fire truck to deliver mail in next year. That way if his delivery truck caught on fire again he could also put it out.

Steve Atwill -- would probably like a wrecker, or at least his very own wrecker driver that won't tell everyone about having to pull him out of the ditch.

This year's list might seem a little short, but there are a couple of, um, unique, requests that won't be easy to fill.

Bud Hunt is regional vice

president, publisher of the

Daily Dunklin Democrat, Daily Statesman, Delta News-Citizen, Missourian-News and

North Stoddard Countian.