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Friday, Nov. 28, 2014

The Answer Man

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Q: Who is Andy Rooney?

A: Andy Rooney is best known for his appearances on the TV show "60 Minutes." but he has also written several books.

The Kennett Library Book Review Group will meet at 7 PM on Tuesday, June 29, 2010. The subject will be "any" book written by Andy Rooney.

During World War II Andy Rooney was transferred from a motor pool company to become a writer for the Stars & Stripes Newspaper. Without this experience, Rooney says, he has no idea how his career might have developed.

Andy Rooney is a man with many, many opinions. In fact his books consist of seemingly endless opinions. He also "wonders" a lot.

For instance he wonders first why baseball managers are called managers, and the same position held in football is called a coach. He also wonders why baseball managers wear a baseball uniform, while football coaches often appear wearing suit & tie.

Good observation, Andy.

Visualize the crusty football coach, Bear Brant, standing on the sidelines all suited up in full pads and helmet or even worse his head adorned with that ridiculous hounds tooth checked hat. Bryant certainly wasn't going into the game, anymore than Tony LaRussa is apt to be starting at second base, full uniform or not.

Andy doesn't consider golf a sport. Says it has nothing to do with athletics.

Those of us who play the game virulently disagree. We consider golf needing all the athletic moves except being able to run fast, or having to tackle somebody.

Rooney says the only fun he had in golf was when he cut a ball in half and examined the hard rubber core. Golfers can understand that. Sometimes we want to attack the ball with a weed eater.

Andy has opinions that run contrary to the popular:

He says Muhammad Ali is a bumptious braggart whose words spoke louder than his fists. Some might disagree, but it's hard to ignore the "bumptious," "braggart" part.

He agrees with Oscar Wilde that the English Gentlemen galloping after a fox are the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible.

He says Elvis Pressley is the most over rated singer or all times; says that Elvis never learned how to fake being sincere. Says that Elvis made 33 movies - all so bad they are difficult to forget. Opinions like that could lead to violent demonstrations around Graceland.

He says that a college education isn't the means to an end. It is the end itself.

You have to think about that one. Students studying law or medicine would seem to have an end in sight; while others might be in school for fun and games, with a little learning accidentally rubbing off on them. This one has endless possibilities.

Andy says the closet thing to perfection was the original coca cola bottle.

By golly he was right about that one. You could nurse that little sucker for four or five swallows, or if you were hot and sweaty you could belt in all down pronto. Had a perfect shape for the hand, and a figure like all women should look.

Andy Rooney writes in essays. He has one book entitled "Common Nonsense" that contains 154 essays. These essays contain irony, sarcasm, humor, and tinges of bitterness. There are virtually no segments of life that Rooney doesn't consider worthy of examination and comment.

Rooney doesn't call himself one of those people who think the old times were the best. He may not be fooling us there. Certain things come out in spite of his efforts to be up to date.

For instance he hates those containers that are not only "child proof," but adult proof. Just that tells us a lot about his real feelings.

Come along Tuesday night, June 29. to the Kennett Library. You will hear many more of Andy Rooney's observations on life, from the womb to the tomb.

Q: How hot has the month of June been?

A: So hot it is in need of the appropriate expression.

"Hot as Hades." Has been used too often.

"So hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk." This one goes back to when sidewalks were invented.

How about: So hot & dry there are frogs in the Bootheel that haven't learned to swim yet.

Maybe an appropriate expression would be from a song in the old Broadway and movie musical "Kiss Me Kate." "It's Too Darn Hot." Damn hot would be better.

The Answer man
The Answer Man