So some states, I hear, have outlawed talking on a cell phone while driving in a vehicle. That is simply a wonderful idea! Why stop there, though?

Now our "law experts" should also outlaw talking in a vehicle altogether. If one cannot talk on the cell phone, after all, he should not be allowed to talk at all while driving a vehicle. Imagine, no more back seat drivers! No more inadequate directions provided by a self-appointed navigator sitting in the passenger seat.

Of course, the application of makeup should also be outlawed. There surely is no way, if a person cannot talk on a cell phone in a vehicle while driving, that one can apply makeup while driving.

Furthermore, eating should also be outlawed while driving a vehicle. I know the way some of us become engrossed in our food. There is no way a person like that should be able to eat food while attempting to drive a vehicle.

Let's not forget smoking in a vehicle while driving, because that, too, should be outlawed. There is no may a person can safely operate a vehicle while in a constant fog.

Mothers and fathers, stop feeding your little ones while driving a vehicle. You shouldn't be endangering Little Johnny's life that way anyway. Let's outlaw that too.

And tell me there should be televisions in a vehicle! How could one possibly watch TV and drive? Those, too, should be outlawed. Until they're outlawed, we should start suing automobile manufacturers for putting the things in an automobile in the first place!

And I have another question. How in the world can people dance in a car and drive? You've seen those people. They have their music cranked up really loud and they are dancing -- and even singing -- while driving down the highway. Outlaw that!

Come to think of it, since we're having such an issue with greenhouse gases, since we're causing the globe to warm at an alarming rate, we should just outlaw automobiles completely.

Let's just out law it!

Jack Rollins is the managing editor of the Daily Dunklin Democrat.