ANSWER: The female mosquito.

Every section of the country has their share of bugs.

For instance, Florida tourist brochures never mention the mass of flying and crawling insects that inhabit that state.

The months of May and September in Florida will bring out the Love Bugs. They swarm in millions, mating as they fly. So when they smash into your windshield it's a double whammy. A swarm of them can obliterate your windshield quickly. These little lovers have also made their way into South Alabama. Let's hope they don't need anymore elbow room.

The Bootheel has some worthy contenders for Extreme Pest honors: Ants make dirt mounds, and always show up uninvited. The common fly gets big time in August, laying their eggs on the rim of your coffee cup, and becoming a gruesome sight when swatted.

Squirrels, moles, starlings. Starlings can make a mess under one of your trees that three flying elephants would find it hard to duplicate. Gnats are another contender. They like to crawl up in your ear and buzz.

All of the above can rightfully be called pests, but in the Bootheel it's the mosquito that gets top billing as Extreme Pest. They win all the blue ribbons and trophies as number one pain in the neck.

Trina Bell has an interesting and informative article in the April 17, 2006 issue of the Daily Dunklin Democrat. The headline was "Warm Winter May Prove Pesty."

Trina's column was instructive, offering advice and hope. One sentence, however, was humorous, when she wrote: "Female mosquitoes have mouth parts that can pierce the skin of humans and animals and draw blood causing an itching sensation."

Trina, this is something every child in the Bootheel knew when they still thought baby food tasted better than barbequed ribs. Children in the Bootheel could sa "skeeter bite" before they said "da da."

Mosquitoes have two kudos that crown them champion of the Extreme Pest contest: One, they are plentiful, and two, they suck blood. Suck blood! Dracula sucked blood. That ability alone gives them high honors -- even if there weren't so many of them.

It's only the female mosquito that sucks bloods. Male mosquitoes are perfectly content with nectar. The female is a real bitch. She has to have a mixture of blood and nectar in order to feed and raise her little bloodsuckers. And -- wouldn't you know it -- she prefers male human blood to female human blood. There's a message in there somewhere.

How do we get rid of mosquitoes? About everything has been attempted. One smart alec said putting a pine straw in your mount would keep them away. Want to look silly? Try that one. Besides, it doesn't work. Might as well have a pork chop in your mouth for all the mosquito cares.

How about one of those zappers that electrocutes anything that flies -- a death a second -- a delightful ambiance for poolside parties -- a pyrotechnic display of sound and sizzle.

Candles, insecticides, gooey traps. There used to be a greasy mess we would spread on our bodies that didn't smell very good. True, the mosquitoes would just hover - licking their chops -- and not biting. Often they would get their wings entangled in this syrup, and couldn't get their stingers in. It wasn't something you wanted to live with everyday, and a total turn-off for romance.

There are almost more repellents advertised than mosquitoes. It seems that none of them have a chance of working unless they have N,N diethy-m, and N,N diemethlbenzamide, which are chemical names for DEET.

The names alone should be long enough to repel a rhinoceros, but one problem is that DEET rhymes with EAT, and that's what those bloodsucking little females like to do.

There's a new product out called "Mosquito Barrier." You spray your yard with "super garlic." Mosquitoes hate garlic, the advertisement says. It's certain that garlic has repelled many the kiss, but these little suckers are not out to make love. And they could easily adapt to Koolaide and cyanide.

If we are ever going to defeat mosquitoes, somebody needs to figure out why they bite most people, but leave some alone.

One person can be scratching and moaning, while another sits there so blissfully ignorant of the mosquitoes that you want to slap the person, rather than the mosquito. It isn't fair.

It's a gene thing -- little doubt about it. The genius wo can figure out how to transfer those immune genes into those of us the mosquitoes like to gobble up, will have enough money to make Bill Gates look like a shoe shine boy.

Thanks for the comments from Barry Bean in which he defends the straw hat. Agreed. The straw hat is a comfortable and colorful challenge to women's supremacy in style and fashion.

Hats off to Barry Bean!