ANSWER: Basically they are the same distinctions that exist in any nation on this earth.

In the January 8-9, 2006, issue of the Daily Dunklin Democrat there was an article by nationally syndicated columnists, Cokie & Steve Roberts, giving a stirring account about the virtues of legal immigration. It was a well-written and passionate reminder of what dedicated new Americans can contribute to this country.

They describe a scene of 32 men and women raising their right hands and vowing to support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States.

It was only the first sentence in their column that poses some questions.

They say, "It was one of those moving moments when we are reminded of all that is right about America and all that is wrong with opponents of immigration."

Now just how many people in this country are opposed to Legal Immigration? Not many.

If there are any concerns about legal immigration it is only because we are being swarmed by millions of illegal immigrants. Are other countries suppose to just empty out their population into us without some kind of legal control? The thought that this country can easily absorb endless multitudes defies human intelligence.

Will the illegal immigrant raise his right hand and vow to support the constitution? He can't totally support the law, because he has already broken the law by being here.

The Roberts go on to say that the new American promises to bear arms on behalf of the United States of America, and to perform work of national importance under civilian control.

We can't expect the illegal immigrant to promise anything of the sort. We really don't know who they are, where they are, or just how many are here. Even if we could find them all it would be ludicrous to expect any of them to bear arms for this country, or perform works of national importance.

The Roberts point out that the legal immigrant has made sacrifices and worked hard to come to this country, to learn the language and become versed in the workings of the U.S. government to pass the citizenship test.

Well of course they have. But try to find an illegal immigrant that could pass the citizenship test, or even know what it was.

The Roberts should have made their sentiments a little more clear -- especially the term "opponents of immigration." Opponents of legal immigration are few and far between, and those who oppose know little, or nothing, about our history.

There is a vast difference between legal and illegal immigration. Both come here to improve their lives. But the idea of millions of people roaming this country unidentified and contributing nothing but cheap labor has an uncivilized aspect about it -- a social distinction -- remindful of the "untouchables" in India.

Neither the Republicans or the Democrats will take any strident action to solve this problem, because they are both petrified with fear that they will lose the Hispanic vote.

But if illegal immigration goes on at the rate it is now it is going to exacerbate into a monumental problem -- not for the old -- but for the young in this country. Enough of them and the illegal immigrants could easily become recalcitrant -- even militant -- demanding their rights -- rights that were never legally theirs in the first place.

ANSWER: All the way at the bottom.

A person right here in the Bootheel said she actually laughed at the last Shaggy Dog Story. It doesn't say much for her taste, but A Shaggy Dog Story teller doesn't need much encouragement to tell another one.

What the Shaggy Dog Story does is take common expressions, aphorisms, advertisements, slogans, etc., and distort them into nonsense.

Let's take the slogan for a beer that has enjoyed some popularity: "The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous."

Now for the Shaggy Dog Story:

The St. Louis Cardinals had a relief pitcher named Mel Famy. He could be very good when he was sober -- which was almost never. Mel Famy not only liked a drink, but he was stumped as to how anything so good could be so cheap. He knew what his capacity for alcohol was, but he normally got drunk before he reached it.

The Cardinals were in a stretch drive for the pennant, and were in a game that had been dominated by hitting. They had used up their relief pitching, and were down to Mel Famy -- whom they suspected was polishing off a six-pack down in the bullpen.

Mel Famy came into the game, walked four straight batters, and the Cardinals lost the game.

The opposing players were packing up their gear, when they observed the spectacle of the famous Clydesdale horses pulling a beer wagon across the outfield. One of the opposing players said to the other: "I wonder if that's The-Beer-That-Made-Mel Famy-Walk-Us?"

End of story.

Well, that takes care of bad taste for the day.