Answer: A good place to start might by Kennett's Delta Fair Parade.

Let's say that by some strange twist of fate you were thrown together with a frothing terrorist. You might be inspired to show this nutso that we are not dirty, filthy, infidel dogs who deserve to die. It would take some careful handling, because this loony bird is convinced his mission will take him straight to the pearly gates in high style. Quickly disarm this fellow!

It would be nice to take him to church. But this would only confirm his belief that we are infidels. Therefore, he has a perfect right to murder us.

Don't let him get too large a dose of the artificial world of our movies, hopping-mad rappers, street battles, and general havoc, are not exactly representative of our every day life. (It is a mystery how street battles -- complete with automatic weapons, grenades, and flame throwers -- can be carried out without a sign of a cop. Artistic expression, we have to suppose.)

Don't let him be exposed to late night television. Not only are some of these shows dedicated to the degradation of women, but they reach the nadir of bad taste. Terrorists like to hide their women. People who have worked in terrorist countries say that even a glance at one of their lovelies will cause an eruption of wild-eyed guys waving long knives. A terrorist might take a dim view of people spreading mayonnaise over some lady's body parts.

Although she is comically ridiculous, it might be best to avoid that little, old lady who comes on late night television with her sex toys. (Where in the world did she learn all that stuff?) Here is a grandmother who should be teaching home economics, or being the president of some garden club. Instead she is making the agenda and supplying the accouterments for a Roman orgy.

You might consider taking the terrorist to one of our big, sports events -- providing the players and fans behave themselves. It is disconcerting to see some player storming into the stands to crown an inebriated customer who has been sloshing beer and shouting profanities. Or you might take him to a fight and a hockey game would break out.

If you stop and think about it, what better place could you take a terrorist to see a real American than Kennett's Delta Fair Parade?

Now the Delta Fair Parade is not the St. Patrick's Day extravaganza in New York City. Nor is it Macy's Christmas Parade. There will be no choreographers from the Rose Bowl Parade looking for new ideas.

What the Delta Fair parade provides is a mile-long microcosm of just about everything this country stands for.

The Delta Fair Parade is made up for the most part by people you see everyday. You will wave at them and they will shout their name. But somehow their presence in the pageant makes them more exciting. It is just one of those sensual experiences that makes life more interesting.

The terrorist will see the people lined up along St. Francis street, and perhaps take a different perspective. Hard working people waving at their friends and neighbors hardly pose a menacing threat. Yet there as a look about them that says: Don't mess with me, mister, you might regret it.

First comes the police and fire department with sirens blasting and the drivers waving at the crowd. There may be some crime in Kennett, but try firing an automatic weapon in Kennett and see how long you will go unattended. Then comes the floats, with kids throwing candy, church groups, boy and girl scouts, a few politicos, and a scooter or two. Interspaced will be middle school and high school bands strutting their stuff. They will have a pleasant mix of just about any ethnic group you can think of. Next comes the best of all: The toddlers, tossing their batons and missing them most of the time, but always cutting an eye for approval.

There will be some antique automobiles and some vintage tractors. Any New Yorkers present might snicker at the tractors. What these urbanites wouldn't grasp is that the tractors represent our agricultural heritage.

Last will be the men and women on horseback, with the crowd hoping the horses have the courtesy not to leave some unwelcome deposits. You can't have a parade without horses, but their deportment is sometimes beyond control.

There will be no reporters, or TV trucks from Fox News, or CNN present at the Delta Fair Parade. Sophisticates from the blasé society will avoid it like a rash. But what it represents is just about the best we have to offer. You can now send your terrorist home with at least a partial knowledge of what we are really all about.

The Answer Man will appear on occasion in the Daily Dunklin Democrat, and will provide answers to various and sundry questions about local people, etc. Readers are invited to submit their queries to The Answer Man by e-mailing them to bhunt@dddnews.com.