A British Army officer was court-martialed for chasing a young lady wearing a nightgown down a hotel corridor. He was wearing nothing.

He was found not guilty because: "it is not compulsory to wear a uniform at all times, as long as he is suitably garbed for sport in which he is involved."

All the way from A to B

Dorothy Parker's barbed remarks cut many well-known people down to size. She and a friend were discussing a Hollywood actress one day.

"I think she was wonderful," said the friend, about he star's role in a recent movie. "She ran the whole gamut of emotions."

"Well," said Miss Parker, "she ran the gamut of emotions from A to B."

It's a lot of fun

Alexander Woolcott, was listening to a young journalist hold forth on upward mobility in society. The young journalist turned to Woolcott and asked, "After all, breeding isn't everything, is it?"

Feeling somewhat at a loss, Woolcott said, "Well, I don't know that I'd put it quite that way. But, of course, it's a lot of fun."

Price is no object

Samuel Goldwyn came to Hollywood from Warsaw early in the twentieth century and made himself a legendary business success. But his poor command of English plagued him all the years he was there, and made for some of Hollywood's funniest stories.

Goldwyn was set on having the sharp-tongued Dorothy Parker come to Hollywood to write for him. His assistant advised against it. "But don't you think she's rather caustic?" the assistant asked.

Goldwyn flew into a rage. "What do I care how much she costs? Get her."

Never one to mince words, Groucho Marx endured at a tiresome dinner party for several hours, then rose to leave.

"I've had a wonderful evening," he announced to his host, "But this wasn't it!"

Time stands still

A well-preserved matron was conversing with the philosopher-politician Cicero in ancient Rome. "I am only thirty years old," asserted the woman vainly.

"It must be truce," replied the statesman, "for I have heard it for twenty years."

A man of few words

The twenty-ninth president of the United State, Calvin Coolidge, was a reticent man, never known for scintillating conversation.

A socialite once sat next to him at a party and babbled, "Oh, Mr. President, do you know I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you?"

Maintaining his reserve, Coolidge responded, "you lose."

A man of two words

Samuel Goldwyn was one of Hollywood's most powerful men. As such many legendary remarks were attributed to him.

At a dinner party, Goldwyn was reportedly asked to comment on a bad performance by a certain actor. His quick reply was, "In two words: impossible!"

Dr. A.O. Goldsmith of Kennett is a retired director of the School of Journalism, Louisiana State University.