A. Let's go out together sometime.

Q. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?

A. Because he's still alive.

Why do fluorescent lights always hum?

Because they don't know the words.

Father: How were you test scores, son?

Son: Under water, dad.

Father: What do you mean, under water?

Son: You know, below C level.

Patient: Please, doctor, you must help me. I think I'm losing my memory.

Doctor: Is that so! For how long have you had this problem?

Patient: What problem?

What did the lawyer name her daughter?

Sue.

What did the mountain climber name his son?

Cliff.

If two is a couple and three is a crowd, what is four and five?

Nine.

What has no beginning, no end and nothing in the middle?

A doughnut.

Why does a bike stand on one leg?

Because it's two-tired.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

To get a cure for its window pane.

Why does a milking stool have only three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

Why did the city slicker hunters quit hunting elephants?

Because they got tired of carrying the decoys.

Why did the cucumber blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

Why can't you send a telegram to Washington?

Because he's dead.

Do they have a 4th of July in England?

Yes. (They also have a 3rd of July, a 2nd of July, etc.)

What kind of clothing does a house have?

Address.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one was the lesser of two weevils.

How does a man on the moon get his hair cut?

Eclipse it.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Where do you find a missing ghost?

At his favorite haunt.

What is a witch's favorite subject?

Spelling.

On which side does a leopard have the most spots?

On the outside.

Dr. A.O. Goldsmith of Kennett is a retired director of the School of Journalism, Louisiana State University.