As a boy, Woodrow Wilson worshipped his minister father and was pleased when the stern man allowed him to come along on visits through the parish.

Later, when he was President, Wilson laughingly recalled the time when his father had taken him to see a neighbor. Seeing the horse and buggy that had brought the minister and his son, the concerned neighbor wondered aloud, "Reverend, how is that you're so thin and gaunt, while your horse is so fat and sleek?"

The preacher began a modest reply, but before he could say two words, his outspoken son announced to the parishioner's dismay, "Probably because my father feeds the horse, and the congregation feeds my father."

The genial Will Rogers was always in demand as a party guest, for he was pleasant, humorous company. One time, however, he turned down a dinner party, saying, "No thanks. I've already et."

"Will," said his friend, "you should say 'have eaten.'"

"Well," countered Rogers affably, "I know a lot of fellers who say 'have eaten' who aint' et."

Never one to mince words, Groucho Marx endured a satisfying dinner part for several hours, then rose to leave.

"I've had a wonderful evening," he announced to his host. "But this wasn't worth it."

Groucho was being followed by a persistent sycophant all through a Hollywood party. Finally the follower said, "Surely you remember me, Mr. Marx. We met at the Goodson's several months ago."

"I never forget a face," Groucho responded amiably. "But in your case, I'll make an exception."

Samuel Goldwyn was one of Hollywood's most powerful men. As such, many legendary remarks were attributed to him.

At a dinner party, Goldwyn was reportedly asked to comment on a bad performance given by a certain actor. His quick response was, "In two words: im-possible!"

Sweet and low

The choice of words we say is often of utmost importance to our listeners.

Trying to reach a top-shelf book one day, Napoleon was stymied by his inability to stretch his arm far enough. An extremely tall marshal came to his aid and took the book down, saying to his Emperor, "Permit me, sir--I am higher than your majesty."

Napoleon angrily grumbled, "Marshal, you are longer!"

Is it a new story or a news story

As the founder of the New York Tribune, Horace Greeley expanded the concept of news coverage and developed a high-caliber staff. A dedicated journalist, he had one peculiarity: he was convinced the word "news" was plural. Though his staff disagreed, he was adamant.

Once, while traveling, Greeley sent a telegram to the home office which asked, "Are there any news?"

A reporter responded, "Not a new."

Keeping in shape

At the turn of the century--before the era of yoga and jogging--one reporter asked New York Senator Chauncey Depew how he kept in shape.

Came the dour reply, "I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise."

Dr. A.O. Goldsmith of Kennett is a retired director of the School of Journalism, Louisiana State University.