A man was bicycling in the park when he stopped for a rest. Several small boys were playing with a puppy.

"Hi! What are you doing wit the dog?" he asked.

One boy explained, "Whoever tells the biggest lie wins the dog."

Oh, I'm surprised at you," the man said. "When I was a boy like you, I never told a lie."

One boy said, "Hand him the dog!"

Will Rogers' Wit

Will Rogers was always in demand as a guest at a party. After turning down a dinner party, he said: "No, thanks, I've already et."

His friend said, "You should say 'have eaten'."

"Well," Rogers replied, "I know a lot of fellers who say 'have eaten' who ain't et yet!"

Try to Do Five

An overage delinquent once faced Judge Kennesaw Mountain Landess and tried to talk his way out of a five-year sentence for a crime.

"But, your honor, I'll be dead long before that," the old man complained. "I'm a very sick man. I can't possibly do five years!"

"Well," the judge said firmly, "you can try."

Dorothy Parker Has the Replies

Dorothy Parker always has the right words to quash a "know-it-all."

At a party, Dorothy sat next to a man who making fun of some guests. "I'm afraid I can't join in the merriment. I can't bear fools."

Miss Parker said, "That's strange, your mother could."

Where His Poetry Belonged

A would-be poet asked a professor of literature to look at some of his work. The professor agreed, but when he began reading the poems, he frowned.

"Do you think I should put more fire into my poetry," the writer asked.

"Not at all," said the professor. "Just put more of your poetry in the fire."

Gorgeous Creature: "Me"

At a dinner party an actor gazed at a beautiful starlet at the next table. He asked his friend Beatrice Lillie, who she was. He scribbled a note: "Who is that incredibly gorgeous person at the same table." Miss Lillie scribbled a terse reply that said, "Me!"

At the end of a session of the House of Parliament, Lady Astor, first woman member, after a heated discussion, she remarked to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."

"If you were my wife, Nancy," Churchill quipped, "I would surely drink it."

The Question has two Sides

Someone once asked Abraham Lincoln how he would explain the difference between a pessimist and an optimist. He replied:

"The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, and the optimist sees the opportunity in very difficulty."

He Has the Last Word

John Randolph was a well-known congressman, known as an impressive debater until he was outshone by Henry Clay, "The Great Compromiser."

The bitterness between Randolph and Clay was never appeased.

One day, after avoiding each other for several months, they found themselves walking toward each other on the same sidewalk. Seeing that neither could pass on the narrow walk, Randolph said stubbornly, "I never give way to scoundrels."

Clay saw his way out. He stepped over the curb to pass and said, "I always do."

Dr. A.O. Goldsmith of Kennett is a retired director of the School of Journalism, Louisiana State University.