Time Out-Survey says...

Posted Wednesday, July 9, 2008, at 9:12 AM

How could a face like this not make a mother happy?! (Chandler Noah at the 2008 Kennett Pre-School Circus)

I love to surf the internet! I am always looking for something to peak my interest, help me make better decisions financially, entertain me, maybe even make me cringe.

Its quite funny to think of those frequent moments when we Web junkies sit in front of our keyboards, staring at the screen, googling the most random subjects.

This weekend, I sat in a quiet living room as my boys took their afternoon nap. Pulling up Yahoo!, I typed the words "parenting" in the search bar.

A wide variety of results flashed on the screen but only one of them caught my attention.

It was a link to a blog written by a mother discussing a study that claims having children DOES NOT make you happy.

I decided to read a little further into this theory.

The idea apparently came from a sociology professor at Florida State University who has been conducting numerous parenting studies. (I wonder if he is a parent himself?)

His findings imply that "Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers."

"Could this really be true," I asked myself as I continued to read.

The study also goes on to suggest through its data, collected from National Survey of Families Households, "No group of parents--married, single, step or even empty nest--reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children."

So I suppose the defining question is, "Do singles or couples with no children really have it made?"

Before my children came into my world I was really happy, but not necessarily happier.

Did I have less stress before becoming a mother? Sure! However, I really don't know what to conclude from that.

I do know for sure that my children, in many ways, have changed me for the better.

But how have yours changed you?

Or, if you have no children, do you believe because of that you are happier than those people who do?

Let's do our own survey, shall we?

Comments
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I love this picture of our little clown.

-- Posted by ms.pat on Fri, Aug 15, 2008, at 10:18 AM

In the immortal words of W.C. Fields, "I like my children well done".

Having said that, I can say that my children have, at times, given me fits that would institutionalize a weaker person, and, at other times, given me greater joy than words alone could express. I wouldn't trade them for a circus, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.

-- Posted by SenathDavid on Wed, Jul 9, 2008, at 9:59 AM

Deanna Coronado's response:

SenathDavid: Love the "circus" part of your comment. Fitting considering the photo I attached to this blog! :)

I know that my husband and I were a very happy couple before we had children. Did we have time to do whatever we wanted, go where we wanted, yes we did!!! Then we had children, life takes on a whole new aspect. Our children bring something into ourlives that is unexplainable. I know now that the littlest things make me extremely happy! The first time you hear Momma, or Dadda, the first steps, learning to shoot their first shot, seeing the excitement on their face at the smallest of accomplishments. That's the closest to God a parent can feel. That moment of nothing else mattering except that small person you're with, touching your heart everyday!!!!

-- Posted by downhome on Wed, Jul 9, 2008, at 9:46 AM

Deanna Coronado's response:

Downhome: I must say. I get a little emotional when it comes to my kids anyway, but your comments really moved me. Mostly because they are so true, in my opinion and experience as a mother. I used to be a very selfish person. I was an only child, and only grandchild on both sides for a long time and was completely spoiled and all about myself. However, when my children came into my world, something inside me changed and as you said, nothing else in the world mattered except those small people I am now with!

You are awesome lady and your children are lucky to have you as their mother!!!

My wife and I ( married 9 years this Sept.) have no kids. We have a dog and we are perfectly content. Maybe we are just selfish with our time. We enjoy golf on the weekends, going to Razorback football, basketball and baseball games. Not having to worry about a sitter is big luxury since my in-laws attend the games with us and would not be a solution for a baby sitter. Then weeknights are filled with time at the gym, primetime television and Cardinals baseball.

So, am I happier without kids.... no way to really say, except we are a happy family. To me, this survey is something that is a perfect case-by-case scenario. We have friends that have kids and couldn't not imagine life any other way. But when we are out in town and we hear kids screaming and crying at the top of their lungs, it pushes our childbearing out another 10 years.

-- Posted by oldtrougher on Wed, Jul 9, 2008, at 9:21 AM

Deanna Coronado's response:

Oldtrougher: You are not alone. Its funny because my brother and sister-in-law and I had this conversation a year or so ago. They have no children and have no plans on changing that anytime soon. Their reasoning is a lot like yours, and who is to say they are wrong for that. I don't think they are. Some people are made for "parenting" and others, well, not so much. I agree with you 100 percent regarding your case-by-case reference. I think this is very much true.

From what I understand of this "study" I wrote about, the survey conducted measured levels of emotional well-being in parents and non-child-bearing individuals. I'm still curious to know how exactly we determine a conclusion from such a study. As a co-worker noted today, who is to say the parents being surveyed were not having a bad day or month which reflected on their responses, or that the people polled that did not have children were experiencing positive highs at that time in their lives, that could perhaps be followed by a deep depression months down the road.

Is there really a conclusion to this question?

Think about these sayings: "You can't miss something you never had" and "You don't know what you've got until its gone."

How contradictory are those statements?

Time Out

Deanna Coronado

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Life is hectic and that's especially so for a young woman trying to raise a family and balance a career. Daily Dunklin Democrat editor and blogger, Deanna Coronado will share some stories most of us can relate to one way or another. Join her discussion here.

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