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Kennett, Missouri ~ Friday, August 29, 2008
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Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Posted Wednesday, January 9, 2008, at 4:08 PM
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I came upon a conversation the other day regarding the subject of interracial relationships. What I heard disturbed me deeply and made me thank God that my mother raised me better and that I am nonbiased enough to raise my boys the same!

The original question at hand appeared to be what Caucasian parents think of their children dating outside their race, particularly dating African American men.

Several of the people who expressed their thoughts suggested that if their daughters or sons appeared before them in a "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" kind of way, claiming they were "in love" with someone outside of their race, mainly a "black" person, they would dig their own grave, or their kids burial plot.

One person said they simply did not believe in whites dating blacks.

"I would not have anything to do with my daughter if that ever would happen," they explained.

Another person agreed, adding that each race should stick to their own saying, "If my daughter had came home with a black, Asian, or Mexican, I would have disowned her and she knew it. Just as I would have been if I had done it."

Many of the people claiming to not be racists but supportive of "staying within your own color" even attempted to use Christ to back up their claims, blaming today's television for encouraging children and young adults to believe it is accepted or moral.

The funny thing to me is that in most places, outside of your Southern extremist or so-called "Bible-Belt" states, it is accepted.

From my perspective, based on my life experiences, there are many highly educated, honest, responsible, God-fearing people in this world who have no problem seeing beyond the color of someone's skin.

I lived in Northern Virginia for a brief time before coming back to my roots here in Missouri, and never once did anyone there say to me, "Oh! Debbie is just great besides the fact that she married a black."

Why is that?

Do the Northerners watch too much television? Ha!

I know that my opinions are bound to rub some people the wrong way. Sorry I cannot apologize in advance, only because I'm not sorry for the way I feel.

The God I worship, serve, believe, have faith in, and teach my children about would never lead me in a direction to judge people in such a way.

And for the record, if one or both of my boys came home one day and introduced me to their multi-cultural, non-Caucasian girlfriend, finance, or wife, I would love them just the same.

God is Love.

"There is a strange kind of tragic enigma associated with the problem of racism. No one, or almost no one, wishes to see themselves as racist; still racism persists, real and tenacious."

--Albert Memmi, Racism


Comments
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All great points SKDellinger! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Tue, Apr 1, 2008, at 1:02 PM

I am a bit slow reading the blogs here, but have heard the same sentiments from many. I grew up in Southeast Missouri, my parents still live there. I was raised to "date your own kind". Some of my best friends in school were the black kids. My dad however was very vocal about mixed relationships and had I pushed the envelope I probably would have been disowned, but I did not.

However, in my years raising my three daughters and seeing them developing relationships with young men, I would have preferred any of them to date a man who would respect and treat them well, regardless of their color as to live with a man of their own race who would abuse and mistreat them. My youngest daughter did date a young black man for a while and it was not a good relationship. She made the decision to enter the relationship and she made to decision to end it. I just supported and loved her through the heartbreak when it ended.

-- Posted by SKDellinger on Tue, Apr 1, 2008, at 11:58 AM

If a person really looked at it, this type of racist/bias is world wide, not just Americans. 90% or more of Americans fore-fathers come from these other countries and have passed down this sad way of thinking. Those however that think they are going to convince me that God wanted his children to act this way need to do a whole lot of praying about their Christianity. It sure helped me 16 years ago. My life has never been better, thank you Jesus!

-- Posted by rddogoli on Thu, Feb 28, 2008, at 7:12 AM

rddogoli: great comment!

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Wed, Feb 27, 2008, at 8:36 AM

Most of the people who "quote" scripture are being led by the dark side, they are guided by Satan who knows how to use PIECES of scripture to his benifit.

-- Posted by rddogoli on Wed, Feb 27, 2008, at 8:11 AM

-- Posted by 4my2cents on Sun, Jan 27, 2008, at 7:58 PM

i am so happy to see people bring the true meaning of god's word to light here. people try to hide and discredit our lord's words but they are plainly written and easily understood...love...he doesn't care who you are or what race, religious belief, man or woman...he is an equal opportunity god...all you have do is accept him...in return he opens all doors to you...what could be better than that!!!!

-- Posted by downhome on Wed, Jan 23, 2008, at 9:04 AM

This Is Your One Life To Live It,It's Your Heart Love With It,Do What You Do And Be Who You Are Cuz Only God Can Judge You......

-- Posted by TwoCentsFree on Wed, Jan 16, 2008, at 2:40 AM

Thank you for the scripture - It's sad that people tend to hide behind scripture without taking the time to first understand what it means. My God is a caring, compassionate and loving God. However, he is also an intolerant God I believe to ignorance. He has provided the word for us; it's up to us to grasp hold of the instructions he has laid out before us.

I pray, with God's help and guidance, someday, I will be sorted with the sheep, not with the goats. (Ref Matthew 25:31-46.)

God Bless you for having such a firm foundation and sharing it with others out of love!

-- Posted by concerned on Tue, Jan 15, 2008, at 12:02 PM

I think there are a lot of people in this world that remain self-convinced that what they believe and have forced generation after generation to believe is right when, in fact, it is not. Most of the things people tend to use from the Bible regarding interracial relationships are taken completely out of context, like the "equally yoked" quote.

Nothing could ever convince me that harsh judgement, discrimination, racism, or pure hate for others is right or Christian because I know better.

Let me share some things I have read or been told regarding this subject that has helped me stand firm in my position:

"We are all equal.

We are all sinners.

Some are Christian others are not..

That is the only difference we have to be concerned about...Not race."

****************************************************

People who use "unequally yoked" to forbid interracial marriage should at least have the decency to quote the WHOLE VERSE:

2 Corinthians 6:14:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with UNBELIEVERS: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"

It is clear here that the prohibition is against people with different BELIEFS, not different skin colors.

****************************************************

"ALL men ...not some men...are created in the image of God..which is Jesus."

****************************************************

Galatians 3:28

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."

****************************************************

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Tue, Jan 15, 2008, at 10:40 AM

Concerned: Your words are very touching and I can tell they are truly sincere. God bless you for being so honest in sharing your personal experiences! I love what you said in your last paragraph... so very true! :)

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Tue, Jan 15, 2008, at 10:11 AM

Growing up, my parents were somewhat racist; mostly my dad. We never really discussed the forbidden rule to date outside of our race, as you said "black men" mainly, but I guess we just knew better. My sister began to date a black male and my dad had a fit; even slapped her at one point if my memory serves me correctly. My mother and father have since passed away and an aunt has relayed that it was my sister's heart-breaking actions that led to my dad's heart attack! Needless to say, I have pretty much disowned this aunt. A lot of my dad's side of the family are not welcome in my home as a result of their refusal to accept my sister's choice nor her 3 wonderful children.

I have raised my daughter also to be color-blind, but, I have warned her, not out of racism personally, but of the struggle she will have if she ever chooses to date outside of her race. I have taught her that it doesn't matter who she dates as long as they love, honor and respect her, and have the same moral belief system she has. I have watched my sister go through so much heartache, and my heart breaks when I babysit my nieces and nephews at the ill looks I get while out shopping with them. She would love to move back to this area, but knows her children would be exposed to so much more hatred than they are where they are, so as a result we aren't as close as we'd like to be.

My mother-in-law once told her own daughter she would disown her if she chose to date a black man; My husband became very upset with her and after several weeks of arguments, my husband finally said to his own mother, "Mom, what are you going to do when you get to heaven and there are black people there, are you going to turn around and go to hell?" She claimed to not be racist, but most people do, yet when it boils right down to it, most of us have some racism instilled in us, but we do not have to allow it to overcome us. Bravo for boldly telling the truth. And, as a Christian, I know what the bible meant when it said to be "equally yoked" and it had nothing to do with race; even though christians and non-christians alike use that excuse for their hatred of interracial relationships.

The bible says Jesus will come back after His church without spot or wrinkle; unfortunately, there may be a lot of church pew sitters still sitting in those pews when that trump sounds if they don't allow God's true light to shine within them. I'm a gentile, not a jew, yet God loved me and gave me the mercy and grace he offers to all his children, regardless of race or nationality.

-- Posted by concerned on Mon, Jan 14, 2008, at 4:12 PM

Nay Nay: Sounds like you are one smart lady who taught her child well ;)

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Mon, Jan 14, 2008, at 12:08 PM

goat lady: those are all perfect examples of what I am talking about. I, too, have heard people say that any white woman that dates outside of her race must be very insecure, fat, ugly, or have mental issues. All I can do when I hear comments like that is feel sorry for the people sharing them.

I am sorry but I have to disagree with their opinions. One of my very best friends was in a relationship with someone of a different color and she is far from insecure and certainly does not have mental issues.

The girl could be a model, is a strong Christian woman, highly educated, has strong morals, and is someone that has inspired me to be a better person in certain aspects of my life.

She met someone, fell in love with whom they were inside and out, and that was that. There was no great contemplation or struggle taking place within her regarding whether or not she should be with him. He was a good, honest person and that is the type of people that she chooses to surround herself with. I admire that in people.

-- Posted by deannacoronado on Mon, Jan 14, 2008, at 12:06 PM

I have another story to share. Some years ago, I taught in a mostly-white school not far from an black/white district. We got a new student, who told me that her parents had moved her to our school to get her away from a black boyfriend.

"My parents raised me to be color-blind," she said. "But when I fell in love with a black person, they drew the line."

Interesting how there are different levels of tolerance, isn't it?

-- Posted by goat lady on Sun, Jan 13, 2008, at 8:27 AM

Bravo Deanna!

In my youth, I believed exactly as you have stated in your blog. And even though I was from southeastern Missouri, when I lived up north, far from "the bible belt", I expressed that same sentiment as you do for the world to hear. However, after I left the north and returned to Missouri, I wasn't as brave as you. I still felt the way that you do, and I taught my child to be non-biased, however, I never said it out loud as you have in your blog and in the way that you live your everyday life.

When I lived up north, I had a "man of color" that I loved dearly living with me, and probably would have married. On my birthday, my mother drove almost seven hours to be with me and I was excited yet nervous about introducing her to "Jeff". I decided that it was time to tell her that I was in love with Jeff. She had planned on staying for the entire weekend, however, when she entered my home and realize that Jeff was black (although he sounded "white" on the phone when she spoke to him many times in the past), she left within a couple of hours. When I walked her to her car, she angrily told me that she couldn't believe I had let her drive all that way only to be faced with a black man living in the same house as her daughter and grandchild. She left without even giving me my birthday present.

Later told me that if my ex-husband ever tried to get custody of my child, she would back him up 100%. She never even gave Jeff a chance. If she had stopped worrying about what everyone back home would think and instead gotten to know him, she would have discovered that he was a very nice, funny, smart gentleman with two beautiful daughters.

It's a terrible shame to me that people will not give others a chance because of the color of their skin. What a person is, is defined as what is in their soul. The skin color is just the shell around them.

As a mother, I can say that you should make any women proud to have your as a daughter! God knows what is in our hearts and he is sending southeast Missouri his message of love and hope, for people of all color, through you. *Hugs* little lady.

-- Posted by naynay on Sun, Jan 13, 2008, at 12:36 AM

Wow, controversial subject. You have a lot of courage to take this position!

I agree with you, and, while I know society is changing (ever so gradually), I still live in an area where it's shocking to even see anyone "different" on the streets, much less in people's homes.

The reaction that I've heard to a "mixed" relationship is that there must be "something mentally wrong" with the white person. I know a girl who was "disowned" by her parents for this issue. Her parents didn't even tell the grandparents, who kept asking why the daughter didn't come for Thanksgiving. They kept telling the grandparents that she was "sick."

I could never do that. While I might be worried about the problems a mixed couple would face in life, I could never disown a daughter (or a son)!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Jan 12, 2008, at 12:46 PM


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