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Cat Lady

Posted Tuesday, April 20, 2010, at 8:03 AM

A few weeks ago, I sent a text to an old friend from Mississippi. She recently divorced and is now dating a new guy. I wanted to ask her how her new relationship was going. The first thing she had to ask me was if I had started dating anyone since I'd moved to Dallas. Of course I hadn't. I moved here on a whim to build a life for myself. I wanted to see other parts of the country, and that's what I'm doing. With this discovery, she reacted with sympathy. She sent encouragement by saying I would find my soul mate when the time was right. I know this. She told me not to fret about being alone. I wasn't. She told me to believe God's plan would unfold. I thought it already was. She told me love would happen soon enough.

Annnnd...so what if it doesn't?

Since when is it terrible for a female in her early twenties to be considered tragic if she's single? I wasn't asking for prayers. I wasn't asking for encouragement. I just wanted to tell her I was excited about her new boy toy. Somehow, that led to a conversation about how desperate my situation must be. I didn't realize that being twenty four years old meant that I needed to assume my role as the local leper who must be quarantined. I didn't realize that my happy ending involved being a crazy lady who lives alone atop a mountain with 12 cats. I didn't realize my new legal name would be "Old Cat Lady Williams." I just thought that I was entering my prime, and I could worry about marriage later. Marriage is so definite, so final. Since I can hardly commit to a hair color, I thought it was best to hold off on crossing that matrimonial bridge until King Charming popped by (because seriously, who wants a prince when there's a king to be had?)

Since living in Dallas, not much of my lifestyle has changed. I'm still a t-shirt-and-flip-flops kind of girl. I still tease my hair until a can of hairspray has been spent damaging the ozone. I don't think it's necessary to put makeup on to pump gas. I don't get frazzled if my toenail polish has a chip in it. I have, however, noticed that the Dallas area is filled with women who I thought only existed on the small screen. These women don't work. They don't volunteer. They don't do house work. They don't cook. They don't bring anything to the table when it comes to being an interesting human being. They do, however, find time to ship all children and pets off to babysitters and doggy daycares before indulging in their morning cocktail hour, which is an appetizer for their afternoon keg stands. Talking to them is like a trip to the gynecologist: painful and unnecessary. They're social lives consist of penciling each other in after their all-consuming tennis lessons. I find myself wondering why they even partake in tennis lessons. It's not for exercise, because they're still healing from liposuction--popping a stitch would be apocalyptic. It's not a social outing, because they're all so self absorbed in their next Botox injection that speaking to another person would involve multi tasking. I've come to the conclusion that they've taken up tennis because they get to wear short skirts that show off their recent body-lift procedures (yes, your entire body can be lifted to your eyeballs if you have the money) and because their instructor is younger and more handsome than the boring, rich husbands who paid for tennis in the first place.

Which brings me to my point: Why get married if you're not ready for it? I look at these women who married well-established, financially offensive men who pay for their 300 dollar haircuts and their brand new "just-because-I-love-you-and-you-told-me-to-buy-this" ten carat diamond rings, and wonder why I would want to settle for something that looks nice and shiny on the outside, but is a hot mess behind closed doors.

I have a friend who is married, and another friend who is getting married in two months. Both have extremely good men. These are men that I consider to be big brothers. They are Christian men who lead their households from the Bible. That's what marriage is all about: finding the person that completes your half. Isn't it still considered important to marry the person that's supposed to be there for the rest of your life? So if it's unfortunate that I refuse to settle for the local waiter who has a lisp, then so be it. I'd rather err on the side of caution than to spend thousands of dollars on a spectacular wedding, followed by an even more expensive divorce.

When I was in high school, my mom pushed me to take shop class instead of home economics. To this day, I can't cook anything but scrambled eggs, but I can weld a trailer together. The point is that my mother wanted me to be able to take care of myself. She always reiterated how times were changing, and that women were no longer considered socially invalid if they weren't married out of high school. With that in mind, I deliberately chose to follow my dreams to wherever they took me, and if King Charming shows up, I might give him my phone number. Then again, I may form tackle him for taking so long.

I may never marry. Right now I can do what I want, when I want. Until I find a decent guy who can handle that and not try to change it, then I'm on my own. And if that makes me a crazy cat lady, then so be it. I do have a slight fear of cats, though.


Comments
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Girl.I was 30 before I got married. Didn't bother me a bit. I had fun. You should too. Now I am married and a crazy cat lady too.

Have fun and good luck. TC

-- Posted by crucani76 on Tue, Apr 20, 2010, at 4:05 PM

Girl... forget cats. Get a dog, or like me... TWO!

It cracks me up to read this and think back a few years. When I was 23-24 a lot of my friends (er, maybe I should say "friends") were like "OMG... we have got to find you a husband" They all jumped out, got married, and now at 27 they are saying "Be soooo glad you didn't get married, wish I would have waited!" I am glad I have waited, because I know much more about what I want out of life at 27 than what I did a mere 3 years ago. Live it up Jamaica... and dont settle for anything less than what your daddy would be ok with... I would have said approve, but we both know that daddy's dont approve boys. They only "deal" with them. :)

-- Posted by ashlie on Wed, Apr 21, 2010, at 9:30 AM

ONLY, and I do mean ONLY could a girl graduate from Holcomb High School and the line about welding a trailor together be considered perfectly normal. Gotta love Mr. Osborn and the Holcomb FFA!

-- Posted by Rocky09 on Wed, Apr 21, 2010, at 12:05 PM

haha, I actually like this blog. I think it's the cool thing pretty much not to be tied down so much at a young age these days. Now people are getting married older and having kids at older ages. Take it from me, getting married at a young age isn't always the best nor worst thing to do. I married my high school sweetheart at 18 years old and now at 26, we've been together almost 10.5 years. Therefore, I've been tied down that long at a young age and had a child at 21. There were so many things, like travel, that I wanted to do, but I opted for marriage to the person I loved but under the wrong circumstances. Now, we have both changed as we were young when we got together and our marriage isn't the fairytale life like it was and I thought it always would be. Now we both pretty much do our own thing, so I don't blame you on the single life. Get up and leave when you want, cook what you want, buy what you want.

-- Posted by sj83 on Thu, Apr 22, 2010, at 8:23 PM

As always, thanks to the readers who took the time to read my silly little diddies!

TC, I think 30 sounds like a good age to begin thinking about marriage, which means I'll spend that next decade taking resumes for a reasonable match, so by 40 I should be good to go!

Ashlie, after my last relationship, a lot of my friends tried to push every Tom, Dick and Harry in my direction, and although I appreciated their efforts, I decided settling for an unemployed dad with missing teeth wasn't necessarily an ego boost. Being single was never the end of the world for me, so while some of my friends started getting divorced, I was thankful I never went down a road that could potentially scar me for life. And you're right: Daddies don't *like* any boyfriends, they just have input as to which ones they can tolerate... and so far, Big Ron hasn't *tolerated* anyone I've brought home. It's always funny to watch Dad make fun of them...to their face. :)

SJ83, I'm glad you found a liking to this article! Knew I'd win you over :) I agree, age isn't the negotiating value to marriage. Some of my friends got married in their early twenties and will be rocking that wedding certificate until the day they die, and some have ended up in a local edition of Judge Judy. My age doesn't determine my happines, so I'm fine hanging out, drinking Starbucks and people-watching until The One trips and falls into my delicate, freshly-manicured hands.

-- Posted by Jamaica Williams on Sun, Apr 25, 2010, at 11:19 AM

Okay, I just ran across your mini saga's and have thoroughly enjoyed reading them! Please keep it up!

-- Posted by HolcombMom on Mon, Apr 26, 2010, at 11:09 AM

I also married my high school sweetheart, and am probably more in love with him today than I was the day I married him. Awww; sounds really special right? Probably a rare wonderful relationship right? This present love situation comes only after barely dodging divorce on two occasions; after breaking each other's hearts and doing permanent damange; and finally deciding to throw divorce out of our vocabulary. And, while I'm thankful that ONLY by the Grace of God we have reached this point after 18 years of marriage, that neither of us had a clue what marriage and committment were at our ripe old age of 19 and 20 when we got married. We had dated for three years prior to marriage and had even returned our first set of enagagement/wedding rings because we felt we just weren't ready and felt we were making the responsible decision to return the rings and wait. We both often advise our own teenager that neither high school nor college are the time to be planning a family and a future aside from a career. I ditched my scholarship and college for love. He and I would both boldly tell anyone today, to wait. While we are thankful to God every day that we have finally found a place in our relationship on which we can build our future, that's something we should have done before we started a family.

Neither of us had a clue what marriage was all about and neither of us were ready to make the selfless committments required. Marriage is a covenant before God, not a contract. Contracts are broke every day of our lives, however, a covenant is not meant to be broken. If people truly went into a marriage with the understanding that divorce is not an option, we would have a lot less people rushing into marriage.

With that said, take your own sweet time in your own sweet way and enjoy life. Besides, Paul said in the bible, that it would be better if everyone were like him and not married. So, clearly, it wasn't intended that EVERY person be married! So, if God has a Mr. Right out there for you, I certainly belive God also has the ability to introduce him to you when the time is right! So in the meantime, enjoy life, give to those who are less fortunate, and as you are about God's business, He will be about yours!

-- Posted by concerned on Mon, Apr 26, 2010, at 2:58 PM

Ah, how I love well-written satire! You have several quotable lines, well worth remembering: "Since I can hardly commit to a hair color, I thought it was best to hold off on crossing that matrimonial bridge" is probably the best.

Beautifully written!

-- Posted by goat lady on Sat, Sep 4, 2010, at 6:36 PM


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The Fabulous Chronicles of an Average Bombshell
Jamaica Williams
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Follow the events of a young, single female who just graduated college and is looking for the next chapter to begin. The Fabulous Chronicles of an Average Bombshell looks at what life is like for a young woman in her 20's, living in a small town, who has nothing in common with her friends: she's not interested in marriage, she wants a taste of the city life, and dating is for fun not so much for finding The One.
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